4th & 5th day of the course: Saturday & Sunday

Saturday we followed the same schedule.  We were instructed by Goenka during one of the sessions to narrow our attention to a specific point for the sensation of breath.  We spent a day narrowing on this point and I began to doubt my ability to do so.  I felt so weak-minded.  It was so very difficult to remain focused on that one specific point only.

Then we were introduced to the first days teaching of the Vipassana technique.

It was a two-hour required sit.  Everyone was discouraged from leaving the room.  I cannot remember the appropriate term for the teaching, but there is one.  It is believed to be the actual process transmitted by The Buddha to his students.  Goenka chanted each step in Pali (Hindu?), then translated in English.  Our attention was moved from our nostrils and slowly expanded to cover ever single inch of our body and back up again.  This process took two hours and he guided us through the entire process.  I became so engrossed in the process I was completely oblivious of any discomfort or pain I was in after sitting in the position for more than an hour.  There are absolutely no words that can adequately describe my experience.  All I know is I returned to awareness outside of my own body when he released us with the closing chant.  Most of the room jumped up, trying to make it out the door.  Some were bursting into tears.  Some were bursting at the seams and trying to get to the bathroom.

Many had sat so still for so long they were completely numb, yet oblivious until they fell when attempting to stand.  I rushed for the door and once outside burst into tears.  I felt like a buzzing bundle of energy.  I felt as if I could fly.  I had an endorphin rush like no drug has ever given me.  I touched eternal bliss.  It was one of the most amazingly powerful experiences of my entire 44 years on this planet.

I felt as if I had to move.  I quickly headed for the women's trail, now a favorite spot of mine.  I walked slowly, looking at everything.  Even though it was winter and most things were brown and dead, it all looked so alive to me.  As the wind blew the trees and bushes, I imagined they were all waving at me.  I felt as if I had stepped into the Roger Rabbit cartoon and everything was singing to me.  I felt so amazingly connected to everything.  It is yet another moment beyond comparison.

Even now it is still staggering to realize just what my mind is truly capable of, IF I can remain focused.  It was very easy to do so when guided by a teacher.  Much more difficult once you enter the real world and have no one to guide you anymore.