Monday, March 15, 2010

back on schedule ... another lesson realized

Today is my first day back to work after 2-1/2 weeks on vacation.  Seven of those days were spent at the Vipassana Center in Georgia and I was highly disciplined.  The rest of the time off I allowed myself to become lazy and undisciplined.  I reached a point where I wasn't getting into bed until 2 AM and as a result not getting up any early than 7 AM.  I told myself I deserved a break.  I mean, after all, look at all that difficulty and sacrifice you went through for 7 days!  Relax, you'll return to it when you return to your regular schedule at work.

Bad idea.  The time at the center gave me great discipline that I didn't even realized I had gained in such a short time.  When I sat this morning for my first 45 minute sit, my mind was as chatty as it has been in a long time.  I was bouncing all over the place.  It took very heavy, controlled breathing to finally break the hold, but even then it was only a reduction from frantic to a slower pace.  At 30 minutes I finally began to feel a touch of my "groove", but it was fleeting.  The discomfort and distractions set in early.  I couldn't stop list-making for things to remember to take to work.  Random and contemplative thoughts. 

I feel as if I have lost a lot of ground I gained during the course.  Since it will be an extremely long time before I have that opportunity again, it will take me a long time to get back to where I was. 

Lesson Learned:  My mind is much more undisciplined than I thought.  Discipline is critical for a solid meditation practice.

No comments: