Today is my first day back to work after 2-1/2 weeks on vacation. Seven of those days were spent at the Vipassana Center in Georgia and I was highly disciplined. The rest of the time off I allowed myself to become lazy and undisciplined. I reached a point where I wasn't getting into bed until 2 AM and as a result not getting up any early than 7 AM. I told myself I deserved a break. I mean, after all, look at all that difficulty and sacrifice you went through for 7 days! Relax, you'll return to it when you return to your regular schedule at work.
Bad idea. The time at the center gave me great discipline that I didn't even realized I had gained in such a short time. When I sat this morning for my first 45 minute sit, my mind was as chatty as it has been in a long time. I was bouncing all over the place. It took very heavy, controlled breathing to finally break the hold, but even then it was only a reduction from frantic to a slower pace. At 30 minutes I finally began to feel a touch of my "groove", but it was fleeting. The discomfort and distractions set in early. I couldn't stop list-making for things to remember to take to work. Random and contemplative thoughts.
I feel as if I have lost a lot of ground I gained during the course. Since it will be an extremely long time before I have that opportunity again, it will take me a long time to get back to where I was.
Lesson Learned: My mind is much more undisciplined than I thought. Discipline is critical for a solid meditation practice.