I'm back... a quick summary

I'm not quite sure when or why I exchanged the word course for retreat when speaking of the Vipassana course.  It really was a course taught in true India-n style.  Lodging, food, and education are all free.  The entire day was devoted to practicing the technique.  It was one of the most amazing, painful, difficult, powerful, and self-enlightening experiences I have ever had in my life. Things became very, very basic.  Very, very simple.  Priorities and people in my life became crystal clear.  I had two distinct experiences that border on the edge of spiritual and ecstasy.  I experienced pure bliss.  I cried at least once each day.  I laughed like a child more than once.  I delighted in the simple beauty of nature.  Those experiences will be shared in more detail in forthcoming blogs.  There is way too much to share and limit to one long, torturous blog.

But the basic things people want to know are easy.

Did you make it all 10 days?
No.  I left the morning of the 7th day.  I tried many different sitting positions, including chair and sitting with back support and my legs stretched out in front of me.  Each day my left knee and right leg became worse until the pain only subsided to a continuous dull ache between sits.  Once my knee began to swell again I knew it was time to leave before I was unable to drive a long distance.

How long did you really go without talking?
Define "talking".  I spoke to the female manager or the teacher at least once every day or so.  As for my room mates, only when the shower schedule became a little complicated and sign language no longer was able to adequately convey what we were trying to communicate that we succumbed to verbal discussion.  Going without speaking, on a whole, wasn't that hard.  I had a constant conversation going on in my head all the time anyway, so what's the difference?  The one in my head just got more attention when we didn't speak aloud.

Was it really that hard?
Yes.  Each person there had their own challenges and faced their own demons.  No one was skating through this experience, no matter how many times they've attended before.  (One women was attending for the 17th time!!)  Most who will walk, leave within the first 2-3 days.  I was proud that I could push myself to a full six days before finally pulling out of the course. 

What did you do all day?
Breathe and sit.  Sit and breathe.  Each day you were taught an additional step in the technique which helps to sharpen and strengthen your mind through focus and awareness without attachment.  On the fourth day you receive the Vipassana technique of meditation. That is another blog all by itself.  That was orgasmic bliss.  No other way to describe it.

How was the food?  What did you eat?
If I were vegetarian, then I could probably rant about the food.  I discovered a much-used spice that I do not like.  Rosemary.  Now I like it even less.  I tried things that, since you can't speak to one another, I have no idea what they were - other than, lactose-free, gluten-free, and taste-free.  I ate a LOT of apples and bananas.  I had cold, lumpy, tasteless oatmeal every morning with a huge glass of orange juice.  I would, secretively add about 1/2 cup of sugar to my oatmeal to help get it down since I knew it was probably the most solid thing I'd have to eat all day.  Drinks were limited to water, lemon juice, hot tea, cider or juices, and milk (soy, rice, or good old-fashioned cow's milk).  No, Chas, there wasn't any kool aid offered.

What was your room like?
I had a room on the end, near the bathroom, and shared with two other women.  Our room had a bunk and one single bed.  I was lucky enough to get the single bed and the other two shared the bunk.  The rooms were very small.  Maybe 7 feet by 18 feet?  The width of the room was the length of my bed with a couple of inches to spare on each side of head board and foot board.  Privacy could not be an issue because there wasn't any, yet I wasn't uncomfortable with my unknown companions at all.

How do they teach the method to you?
S.N. Goenka is the teacher of this method of Vipassana meditation.  In 1991 he was audio and video taped while leading a 10-day course and it is used by each center now to teach new and old students.  There is an assistant teacher who is physically present to answer any questions or discuss concerns about the technique.  The teaching you receive, however, is directly from S.N. Goenka via digital.  It is just as powerful and it's simplicity in technique leads easily to this format of teaching.   Each section begins with a chant recited by Goenka in Pali, the original language of Buddha.  Each mantra or chant, is designed to impart wishes of peace, health, and well-being to those who hear.

What is the most important thing you have learned so far?
That I was searching just for the sake of searching but with no real goal in sight.  Once the daily demands had been removed for a couple of days and a new, gentler schedule settled in, I found things became much more clear, much easier to understand than before.  I realized, on a cellular level, my connection and place in the web of everything.  I realized that which I have always sought lies not only within me, but beside me each and every day and night.  Unconditional love.  Acceptance.  Willingness to allow me to try new things.  Devotion.  Security.  Peace.  Undying Love.  If one has that, how can they possibly ever want for anything else?  Realizing this, it made things so very, very clear and so much simpler.

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I will share more intimate detail of my personal experiences on my other blog Windsong Reflections.  This blog, Insight Found Inside, will remain dedicated to meditation practice and meditation-specific topics only.

Metta,
Karen

an open letter to Page...a quick summary...

One of my blog followers, Page, is scheduled for the March 10th Vipassana course, so I wanted to get something posted quickly since Blogger won't let me email directly.

• the course is extremely rewarding and worth every single minute
• the longest sit was one two-hour sit (on the 4th day, I believe) in which you are asked not to move at all.  this is when you are receiving Vipassana from Goenke.  it is fully guided and he is chanting between sections.  you won't even think about moving during this sit and was the most powerful experience of the whole course for me.
• the longest period of required sitting is in the evening - one hour sit, 5 minute break, one hour sit watching discourse from Goenke on DVD, 5 minute break, one hour sit, then bed time
• sign up for shower time as soon as you get there because you'll be expected to maintain that schedule for the duration of the course.  i'm a morning shower person, and ended up with 7:15 (6:30-8 AM is morning break time and one of the longest break periods when you can shower).  sign up is on the bulletin board near the bathroom (there are only 2).  if you prefer evenings, 9:30 is the best time because you usually get out of the final meditation around 9:15, lights out at 10 PM
• use your breaks for BREAKS!  do not meditate during the morning, lunch, or evening break.  stretch, lie down, or take a walk around the walking trail.  during the afternoon rest, sleep.  that is the best and only real naptime you want to indulge in.  avoid any type of mental stimulation.  the brain is easily agitated in the beginning and is like taking steps backward if you lose that much fought for quiet mind.
• i reverse the advice of an earlier posted video. do NOT sleep every chance you get! you are there for a unique experience and snoozing through it will not yield optimum results. cat naps are okay.
• practice the breathing technique you learn the first day during everything you do!  shower, walking, eating  (as a result I was falling apart by the end of the first day)  LOL
• do not talk!  the less you talk and the less you connect with others, the better for your experience (although it is challenging if you're sharing with two other people and the room gets too hot and you wish to open the window to cool the room)
• if you meditate in your room, do not LIE DOWN on the bed.  best practice is to meditate only in the hall or outside.  reserve your room for sleeping and it confuses your body and mind less. 
• there are lots and lots of cushions, backjacks and other things to choose from.  at Registration let them know if you require a chair or wall for back support. otherwise, you will be assigned a seat away from the wall and will have to meet with the teacher on the first day to request a wall or chair. 
• know the difference between PAIN and DISCOMFORT.  do not push yourself to the point of severe pain during a sit without moving.  if you reach the painful level, then shift.  just do so slowly.  i pushed myself too hard and ended up re-injuring my knee
• try to remember when you are cresting on a wave of extreme doubt, indecision, anger, sadness, pain, or whatever -- THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  It became one of my mantras when I was trying not to shift during a meditation.  As well as what the teacher told me during a private interview when discussing the discomfort, "something hurts, SO WHAT?".  :)
• do not overeat at meal times.  take 3/4 a plate the size you would normally eat.  more food makes you drowsy.  no food, only fruit, juice, and hot tea for the evening "meal", so really only two meals a day.  breakfast and lunch.  hope you like rosemary and vegetarian food.  if not, well, it's a great way to lose weight!  they do require you eat and no fasting is allowed.  i ate a lot of apples and bananas while i was there.  :)
• take a water bottle that is insulated and easy to carry around.  you will drink a lot more water than you realize.
• recognize your physical limitations.  i thought because i already sit in 45-minute periods that i would be fine.  not so.  i didn't think about the fact that these were 1 hour sits with a 5- or 10-minute break between.
• remain as disciplined as possible about meditation periods.  the mind and ego are very strong and under attack.  they will grasp at anything to discourage meditation (bodily discomfort, mental agitation, etc.).  the more disciplined you are, the sooner your mind will become your ally.
• be kind to yourself and don't try to be perfect.  this is a method you will be practicing for the rest of your life and cannot be mastered in 10-days or less.  the 10-days are more to provide you with an uninterrupted environment to experience the results and develop the discipline and practice.  i must admit i am awake at 4:30 every morning now and am able to complete a one hour sit without any problem.  it's a good habit to develop.
• your two favorite words will become, "Anand..." and "Take rest, take rest..."  :)

I will blog more about my experience later, but can say it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I do not regret one single minute of it.  I had no expectations and was completely blown away by my experience.  I found everything I've been searching for while I was there.  I answered many questions for myself and even realized questions I had not yet formed.  I reconnected with my inner spiritual self, although the technique itself is not spiritual.  It is based in dhamma, the law of nature, of cause and effect.

The hour-long evening discourse with Goenke on DVD is a dhamma talk.  Some of what he says is in the book, "The Art of Living" by William Hart and is in the video you will see.  (Excellent book, BTW)  Goenke has a sense of humor and is charming and sincere.  Even though he is on DVD, you feel as if he is there with you, speaking to you, encouraging.  He chants before each group sitting.  It is wonderful, especially if you open your heart to the message behind the chanting.  More than once I was moved to tears by the sincerity of his chanting.

Please write to me, Page, and let me know how your course was!  Send me an email so we can correspond outside of Blogger, but post a comment here about your experience after you return so others can read about your experience as well.

Be well!  Know peace.  And long sits.

Metta,
Karen

PS - if you're going to GA center:  Don't worry about bug spray.  Too cold, no bugs.  Just take a few outfits and wear them over and over.  They have a bucket with soap for handwashing clothing with a clothesline out back.  Bring your shoes in at night.  If it rains at night they might get soaked.  They have extra blankets.  Blankets work better than sleeping bag.  Minimize, minimize, minimize!  You don't have a lot of storage space.  Don't forget your own towel and wash cloth.  Dress in layers.  T-shirts were good when staying inside, but hoody and jacket were used when going outside or walking to dining hall.  If you have an umbrella, bring it. It will rain.  Wear socks and they will do for the meditation hall and indoor.  Have a good pair of tennis shoes or hiking boots that do well in squishy clay, mud, and water.  The walking trails are mushy and wet if it has rained and you walk a trail to the dining hall three times each day.

They have electric alarm clocks you can borrow at Registration.  Other than to know what time it is when you're in your room, you really don't need it, especially if you have a watch.  A bell is rung every time a new period starts (such as morning bell to wake up, breaks, group sittings, etc.) and schedules are posted in multiple spots.  Don't worry, you'll hear the bell.  :)

Retreat Countdown...45 minutes...

Leaving in 45 minutes.  Telling Troy goodbye was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  I couldn't fight back the tears that rolled down my face as he drove away headed to work.  Below is my good bye video for you, my faithful audience, and to my friends and family.  I love you and will miss you all.  And music.  And books.  And my kitties.  And my iPhone.  And the Internet.  Pepsi and chocolate milk.  And food.  :)

Good bye!  Signing off.  Metta, Karen

Retreat Countdown: 22 hours...

Time seems to be flying by now.  I keep thinking of everything in terms of "this time tomorrow..."  I am looking forward to this inner journey I am embarking upon.

This morning I sat for 45 minutes.  Some back pain this morning, but nothing I couldn't acknowledge and release.

Read an interesting quote this morning that I thought was perfect for the trouble I had with engaging thoughts this morning.  It can apply to more than the thoughts during meditation, but anything.  A disagreement with someone, anger, sadness, etc.

"Wherever and whenever the mind is found attached to anything
Make haste to detach yourself from it.
When you tarry for any length of time
It will turn again into your old hometown."
A Samurai verse

The iPhone did not revive as hoped this morning.  Will give it one more try this evening when I get off work.  Otherwise, will have to make alternate mobile conversation plans.

Retreat Countdown: 1 more day!!!

In the famous words of Kermit, "Yaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!"

I get little butterflies in my stomach each time I think about leaving.  Nervousness, slightly anxious, and I hate leaving Troy behind for so long without any contact.  Work, well, not so much.  :)

I finally got the results back on my MRI.  I was fortunate (or all the Reiki all those loving people did on my knee for me) the injury is not permanent and was not a torn miniscus.  I injured something under my knee cap and it should heal in time.  My boss gave me a hard time for not remembering the name of what is injured.  What does it matter if I remember what the name is?  It is injured.  It will heal.  My remembering the name doesn't change anything.  :)

The doctor said that I can sit Burmese style, just taking note to stretch my knee out if it begins to hurt.  He also advised me when standing to roll over and push up using my hands and leg muscles to reduce strain on my knee cap and to preclude any further injury.  He also advised me to lose weight.  Imagine that!  Did you know, however, that for every 1 pound you are overweight, you add 7 pounds of pressure to your knee cap?  I did the math of how much I'm overweight and I must admit it was quite sobering calculation.  Hopefully I will be able to use the technique I learn during the course to be more in tune with my body.  Then I can be more alert to the signal my body sends when I've had enough to eat.  I also expect after 10 days of vegetarian food with no sugar or caffiene, it would be a darn shame to come back and return to my old habits. 

I have refined my packing list to things I can pack today and things I will have to wait until Wednesday morning.  Since I can pack the majority of my things today, it will reduce packing time Wednesday morning.  My goal is to leave Orlando NLT 9 AM.  It's a four hour drive and straight shot up I-95.  Adding bathroom breaks ('because I usually need a few) I'm expecting to arrive at the center around 2 PM.  Registration is from 2-5 PM, so that should give me plenty of spare time in case I end up caught up in traffic along the way.  I'm expecting traffic to be light since I'm traveling during a week morning.

Bills are paid.  Money is in the bank.  I have to run out at lunch today to get cash out of the ATM, try to find a spare battery for my camcorder, and get some of this great lotion I love from Dollar Tree.  They have it for, obviously, $1.  In other fine retail stores, you would pay at least $2.50 for it!

I have increased my morning sitting time to 40 minutes. We had a great meditation this past Saturday night (as we always do) and I found I could sit in a chair and have much less back ache. This is not because I am leaning against the chair back, because I am not. Perhaps the chair gives me more support which reduces strain on my spine. Will be interesting to experiment with sitting positions and if the meditative experience is different for one position versus another.

Troy and I are enjoying the last of our time together.  We are laughing a lot.  I guess those are memories to help get us through the 10 days.  I'm asking Troy and Steven to write me a note every night about their day so I don't miss out on anything while I'm gone.

Retreat Countdown: 9 more days ... our first YouTube meditation video!!

9 days!  Before you know it the day will be here.  Isn't it interesting how when you anticipate something months away it seems like it will never get here; yet, when it's only a few weeks away, all of a sudden it seems like time is flying!

No meditation so far today.  I banged my knee on the dashboard in my car this afternoon.  *ouch*  Definitely will be sitting in a chair to meditate today!  (oh, and, um, yeah, you can see i am totally sitting the way i'm not supposed to be sitting in the video.  busted!)

Troy and I were playing around with the video camera last night between meditation sessions and recorded a video of him playing the crown and root chakra crystal bowls accompanied by Healing Meditation One by Randon Myles.  Comment and let us know what you think of our very first video!!

You can also join our YouTube channel and be notified when new videos have been posted.  Go here to subscribe:  www.YouTube.com/wildfire2windsong

Retreat Countdown: 10 more days ...

Tonight we had our meditation practice group meeting.  Saturday is when I get in my longest sit time each week.  Our 6 PM meditation was a different type of music for our group.  There was a basic sound that continued throughout the track that was what took you away.  However, there were tones and other sounds that rang intermittently throughout or where a sound would suddenly cut in and out, that could bring you out of your deep state.  As Lorena said, however, it's nice when the sound suddenly brings you back to awareness because that is when you realize just how deep you were.

During that meditation I had a brief experience where I had completely zoned out.  When I became aware again I felt as if I were out of my body, and yet not.  I could not feel my physical body at all, yet I was aware of everything.  It frightened me at first because I couldn't sense myself and yet was aware of myself.  It was so unexpected and I have only briefly had experiences like this before.  Once I had settled back into full awareness of myself, all I could think was, "Cool!"  It was very relaxing meditation.

Only 2 people came for our 8 PM meditation, which wasn't surprising.  Until the last few minutes, we didn't think anyone was going to show at all!  We knew with the extreme cold tonight (extreme for Floridians, anyway) and it being a Saturday evening before Valentine's Day, we didn't really expect a lot of people.

It was a nice, intimate, and relaxing meditation.  The music was of a higher frequency than the 6 PM meditation was and I found myself reaching brief states of high awareness and being able to watch my thoughts without engaging them.

Overall, this evening was extremely encouraging for the retreat and I am looking forward to the challenge.  I am curious to find out what will happen when I am able to devote multiple, full days to meditation!

The only down side to the evening is that I did do a little bit of cross-legged sitting and as a result, my knee is a little swollen and feels slightly unstable again.  I will have to stick to chair sitting for the retreat, I'm afraid.

Retreat Countdown: 11 Days ... success continues!

This morning I increased my meditation period from 25-minutes to 30, with success!!  Monkey mind is always there and the time is spent constantly trying to disengage from thoughts and return to the breath.  Good practice, no?  The good news is I did sit upright as if in a chair and my back only began to ache a little during the last 5 minutes.  Even though, it wasn't excruciating, so that's progress as well.

Quitting Pepsi cold turkey was a bad idea.  Around 6 PM last night I started getting the dreaded caffeine-withdrawal headache.  I expected it and popped a couple of Tylenol.  A few hours later I started feeling sick to my stomach.  Troy suggested maybe cold turkey is a bad idea, so I caved and drank 1/2 a Pepsi, then went straight to bed.   I was asleep by 10 PM.

I have set my alarm to 4 AM and do my best to turn it off before it can wake Troy.  So far, so good, I think.  The biggest problem is my kitty alarm, Groucho.  He starts meowing (more like whining) for me to get up when the alarm does...or if he sees me open my eyes, whichever comes first.  Usually, the alarm goes off and I lie in bed for 30 minutes before getting up.  This morning I woke up at 3:59, a minute before the alarm would go off.  I turned it off and only laid in bed another 15 minutes.  I have to admit, when you get up at 4 AM it makes for a much, much more leisurely start to your day, especially when you don't have to be at work until 8.

Last night Troy and I made a run to WalMart to pick up the last of my toiletries and other needed items.  He remarked that it's getting to be an awfully expensive free retreat.  I must admit, though, I am having fun!  I'm fortunate that he allows and encourages me to have fun, within reason, of course.  LOL

Retreat Countdown: 12 Days ... Success continues!

This morning I accomplished another 25-minute sit in an upright, sitting position (as if in a chair).  I've been very careful and taking it easy with my knee so it's not bothering me as much, but I still don't feel safe sitting with my legs bent.  I have my MRI today and follow-up next week, so hopefully I will find out if the damage is permanent or self-healing.

I also drank my last Pepsi last night.  *gasp*  I do not drink coffee, so that is not an issue for me, thank goodness!  I am drinking Vitamin Water and regular water now in preparation for the retreat.  I'm concerned that a sudden stop in Pepsi intake can result in severe headaches for a couple of days.  The first few days of the retreat will be challenging enough, so I don't need headaches to add to it.

Yesterday I went shopping for the basic toiletries that I will need.  We got more sweat pants and sweat shirts for the retreat while we were in St Augustine, so I'm all set there.  Just a few more things to pick up and I should have all that I need and ready to start packing!  Not to mention, multiple list-making!!! Yaaahhh!

I'm feeling more focused and am ready to start this retreat!  Still slightly anxious, but have no expectations and look forward to what will unfold.

Another Vipassana experience....

A great video that gives a lot more information about the Vipassana retreat...